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The Truth About Why Men Cheat

October 20, 2008

Megavideo has given me a lot of trouble lately, its watch limit is killing me…I can no longer have TV series marathons grrrr…anyway that being said, I stumbled through an article at yahoo and I’ll just post it instead. It’s quite interesting and true in my point of view..

Dating 101: The Truth About Why Men Cheat

Counselor M. Gary Neuman surveyed 200 cheating and noncheating husbands to get at the real reasons behind men’s infidelity.

What makes men cheat? Marriage counselor M. Gary Neuman dug through past research on male infidelity and found that most answers came from the wife’s point of view. “Wouldn’t it make more sense to ask the guys?” he thought. So for his new book, “The Truth About Cheating,” Neuman surveyed 200 cheating and noncheating husbands to get at the real reasons behind men’s infidelity — including what cheating men say could have prevented them from straying. Here, some of his findings:

48% of men rated emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason they cheated.

So much for the myth that for men, cheating is all about physical intimacy: Only 8 percent of men said that physical dissatisfaction was the main factor in their infidelity. “Our culture tells us that all men need to be happy is to have physical intimacy with someone,” Neuman says. “But men are emotionally driven beings too. They want their wives to show them that they’re appreciated, and they want women to understand how hard they’re trying to get things right.” The problem is that men are less likely than women to express these feelings, so you won’t always know when your guy is in need of a little affirmation. “Most men consider it unmanly to ask for a pat on the back, which is why their emotional needs are often overlooked,” Neuman says. “But you can create a marital culture of appreciation and thoughtfulness — and once you set the tone, he’s likely to match it.”

66% of cheating men report feeling guilt during the affair.

The implications are a little scary: It isn’t just uncaring jerks who cheat. In fact, 68 percent of cheaters never dreamed they’d be unfaithful, and almost all of them wished they hadn’t done it, Neuman says. Clearly, guilt isn’t enough to stop a man from cheating. “Men are good at compartmentalizing feelings,” Neuman explains. “They can hold on to their emotions and deal with them later.” So even if your partner swears he would never cheat, don’t assume it can’t happen. It’s important for both of you to take steps toward creating the relationship you want.
 
77% of cheating men have a good friend who cheated.
“Hanging around friends who stray makes cheating seem normal and legitimizes it as a possibility.”

Hanging around friends who stray makes cheating seem normal and legitimizes it as a possibility. The message he’s subconsciously telling himself: “My friend is a good guy who happens to be cheating on his wife. I guess even the best of us do it.” You can’t simply ban your husband from hanging out with Mr. Wandering Eyes, Neuman says, but you can request that they spend their time together in an environment that offers less temptation, like at a sporting event or a restaurant for lunch rather than at a bar or club. Another strategy: Build your social circle around happily married couples that share your values — it’ll create an environment that supports marriage.

40% of cheating men met the other woman at work.

“Oftentimes the woman he cheats with at the office is someone who praises him, looks up to him, and compliments his efforts,” Neuman says. “That’s another reason why it’s so critical that he feel valued at home.” Luckily, there’s a clear warning sign that your husband is getting a little too cozy with a colleague: If he praises or mentions the name of a female coworker more than he would a male counterpart, your antennae should go up — and it’s time for the two of you to set boundaries about what is and isn’t okay at work, Neuman says. Is it acceptable for him to work late if it’s only him and her? Can they travel together to conferences? Have dinners out to discuss a project? Ask him what he’d feel comfortable with you doing with a male colleague.
 
Only 12% of cheating men said their mistress was more physically attractive than their wife.
In other words, a man doesn’t stray because he thinks he’ll get lucky with a better-looking body. “
“In most cases, he’s cheating to fill an emotional void”

In most cases, he’s cheating to fill an emotional void,” Neuman says. “He feels a connection with the other woman, and physical intimacy comes along for the ride.” If you’re worried about infidelity, focus on making your relationship more loving and connected, not on getting your body just right or mastering how to please him physically. (But know that physical intimacy does matter — it’s one of the key ways your guy expresses his love and feels close to you, so be sure to keep it a priority.)

Only 6% of cheating men had physical intimacy with a woman after meeting her that same day or night.

Actually, 73 percent of men got to know the other woman for more than a month before they cheated. This means that you may have time to see the warning signs before infidelity occurs — you might even see it coming before he does. Keep an eye out for these common signals: He spends more time away from home, stops asking for physical intimacy, picks fights more frequently, or avoids your calls. Your gut reaction may be to confront him, but most men will deny even thinking about cheating, especially if nothing physical has occurred yet. Instead, Neuman suggests, take charge of what you can control — your own behavior — and take the lead in bringing your relationship to a better place. Don’t hesitate to show your appreciation for him, prioritize time together, and initiate affection more. Give him a reason to keep you at the front of his mind, Neuman says. And be open about how you feel about what’s going on between the two of you (again, without mentioning any third parties). Try “I think we’ve started to lose something important in our relationship, and I don’t want it to disappear.” In the meantime, commit to keeping tabs on your relationship and doing what it takes to keep it working for you.
 
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Damn….who would have thought that men have so many issues.
Posted by ecks at 2:41 pm | permalink | comments[2]

Immigration

October 18, 2008

This was a toxic day. We finally went to the Immigration after 2years. We really dint know how the process works thats why it took this long to finally get there and make our move.

It was really scary, the part where they’d interview both of us. My head just went blank, I was a child being scolded but hey, I deserve to be scolded I’m an overstay in their country. I understand that clearly but it was just really humiliating. I was just glad its over. The individual interview was easier I guess, it was just a series of easy to answer normal marriage questions.Sheesshh; I wish she understood my nihongo right >,< .

The circumstances are clear, If I surrendered and agree to go back to the philippines now on my own freewill they’d give me a 1year penalty then I can come back to japan when invited. But if not and still push through my application now, there is no guarantee that my visa will be approved and if I get caught outside I’d get deported no questions asked, or if ever for some reason they’d deny my application now I’d be deported and spend 5years in the philippnes before i can return. Jeez; I took that risk. 

They’ll be investigating my case, they would either call or come at our house and see if what we said in the interview is true. I have no problem with this, for the past 4years I’ve never really left home. 

All I have to do now is keep my fingers crossed and wait.

Posted by ecks at 4:59 am | permalink | comments[1]

How to Play Gaia

October 16, 2008

For those who have no idea on how to play GAIA Online, here’s a helpfull trick that players fail to read when signing up.Upon logging in check your banner. You’ll something that looks like this:

Look at your Daily Chance Cart, it’s the red one that you can see at the pic above. Click that and win random items, gold, fish, aquarium stuff, tokens and more. Look at the yellow boxed tabs above, click it,  each tab cointains a Daily Chance cart, meaning you’ll have 6 daily chances a day.  You’ll get your chance again after 24 hours upon finishing all 6.

Gain Gold thru chatting! Look at the IM button, Login your GAIA IM and chat with your GAIA friends and earn that gold thru chatting.

You can also earn gold by surfing gaia pages, Posting in forums,  bumping threads, posting comments on profiles, voting in polls, playing games, head to the town and get gold by shaking trees, stones and plants,selling unwanted items by vending it at the market place and sending invites to friends thru email and earn extra gold once they register.

Design Your Avatar:

Dress up your avatar and gear up your car. Join the Arenas and show off your style! 

 Aquarium:

Design your own fishtank and recieve prices. Click the shell when it opens and recieve a price.  Dont forget to feed your fish and set the right settings for your tank. Fishes dont live forever, once it dies look at your inventory and click on Sepcial , you will see your fish drops there, click it and recieve a price.

Design your own Home:

There’s no thrill in earning Gold and not spend it, where’s the fun in that? Use your gold buy furnitures and design your house. Flaunt your home and Join the Home Arena!  

  here’s my house at Night:

 What are you waiting for??  Register at gaia now!

THE FUN STARTS HERE….CLICK HERE!

Posted by ecks at 12:18 am | permalink | comments[5]

the choir "ONLY U"

October 13, 2008

I just have to post this.

This video of my batchmate in mapua; Jun Mapa with the Mapua Concert Singers, it made me laugh pramis hahaha…

 

 

hay nako mapa, pag ako kinasal  sa pinas ikaw pakkantahin ko sa wedding ko  lolzzzzzzzzzz…Booking na to pramis yan hahaha…

Posted by ecks at 2:59 am | permalink | comments[1]

Thinking about…

October 7, 2008

hay nakers, I miss my photoshop so much, I just hope my files in my pictures folder can still be save, my psd are still there. I forgot to upload my sig for timog.com in my photobucket which really really sucks cause i have no back up of it..waaaaaaaa…wanna bang my head against the wall LoL!

Anyway, here’s a thought…since divorce for filipinos is not looking good coz our church is against it, why not make a law instead. It would be like a pre-wedding thing, a try-out so to speak (LoLz). For instance a couple should only under go marriage if they prove that they deserve to get married. Sign a contract that a couple should Try living together for 10 year, its like a pre-marriage arrangement/contract; live under one roof, have kids if  they wish and have a normal life style the very best that they can, after 10years of being together only then will they have the privilage to get married.

Jumping into something you can never get out of when everything turns bad really sucks, everybody should get a 2nd chance and everybody deserves to be happy, when infidelity kicks in a marriage how can you find happiness when Mr. or Ms. Right knocks on your doorstep? 

The church keeps messing up the most important thing that God gave us… It’s FREEWILLY…LOLZZZZZZZZZZZ

Posted by ecks at 1:10 am | permalink | comments[2]

Nihonggo

October 2, 2008

Since computers  crash, I just cant leave my nihonggo stuff in notepads anymore..lolz…i dont back up anything..hahaha…thats why I’ll be posting some nihongo entries in my blog instead, these are just the things that I usually want to say but cant say it coz its either I forgot the words of never used these simple sentences before.

I got this from the translation section of timog.com which helped me a lot remember simple sentences, my nihongo sucks coz i dont have anybody to talk to hahaha, except dudung but he’s so bc watching tv or goes straight to sleep after work…

ok enough said hahaha…here it is:

watashi ga…
yaru = ako ang gagawa.
(doer ni) yatte morau = ipagagawa ko (with having acknowledgment from the doer)
(doer ni) yaraseru = ipagagawa ko (without having acknowledgment [yet] from the doer)
(doer ni) yarasete morau = ipagagawa sa akin (with having acknowledgment from me)
(doer ni) yaraserareru = ipagagawa sa akin (without having acknowledgment from me)

 

Posted by ecks at 3:25 am | permalink | comments[2]